WeWereOnlyKids.

Change is near

2012-01-28T03:59:00.002+08:00

Been struggling with authority as of late.
I know most of the time when im put in a knotty situation, i tend to lose it.
All my senses fade away and one particular trait unravels itself. I always feel like freakin Medusa when i get this angry/upset when I'm wrongly accused of something. I mean it gets really bad and i always ask myself why did i allow that to happen ah. I mean there was no point in it at all. Im like a volcano constantly being provoked until i finally erupt. HAHAHA quite funny though.
Anyway need to learn to respect authority. And just obey and do what i need to do and shut my big mouth. AMEN.

2 weeks notice

2012-01-26T02:24:00.007+08:00

2 weeks have been great :)

From Rina's birthday celebration. chuckiechuckiechuckie. To slacking on a tuesday afternoon and waking up at 4pm. To meeting my buds to eat sushi again... (i think this is a phase for me) and playing freaking competitive taboo w huiz lala yas natasha. & working with Mel while falling asleep and having crazy customers that keep shouting and NIHAO-ing all the time cause i dunno how to speak Chinese. Nico's party which was drama filled and funny for Jasm and I who were sane during the whole thing. To Friday Morning Popeye's at Terminal 3 and nico coming over and me falling asleep and scaring her again.. To cell and the constant feeling of wanting to fall asleep. To a sermon on an early Sunday mornin that taught me many things and to routine Sunday lunches and going home to nap before the reunion dinner. And feeling weird at the dinner table when they talked about school. To collecting angbaos and later having a great conversation with the adults.To waking up the next day forgetting abt the cycling plans w JonJeevAnandJud :( But eventually watching Journey 2: Mysterious Island @ night on Prav's birthday!! And promising myself to never sit next to Jeev in the cinema ever again

Sleeping in on a Tuesday and eating pizza that brother bought for me for breakfast!

meeting Zy to finish Mel's present and talking for forever and waking up early on a Wednesday morning to tie all loose ends and eventually celebrating Mel's bday which was super successful and bloody fun!!

Looking forward to secret mission later in the day and work again ( last day?)

Excited for Friday too cos hotels are always full of surprises and fun!

So yes i know i just listed out my whole last 2 weeks of holidays, not doing it to show off or anything. Im not some popular girl... im damn loser, just ask nico.

Anyway what I'm trying to say is that these two weeks have treated me well. Not such a bad way to spend last days of freedom. Felt like I did some worthwhile things and all.

So yup. Clap hands.

Only that I haven't seen glad or jy lately. Schedule damn conflicting w these clowns.

Also momma is on MC for 2 days :)

So this means i might have quality breakfasts for 2 days!!!

Gonna find myself ANOTHER YOU

2012-01-24T20:43:00.008+08:00

Just found the three prettiest christmas cards from my dear friends :)

Discovered that I need to stop whining when people assume wrongly bout my intentions. Need to stop taking everything to heart so quickly.

Advice is often seen as criticism to me, even then, i can't handle that.

1)Stop runnin away when faced with a situation, a difficult conversation or uncomfortable confrontations.

Awkward dinner conversation on Sunday forced me to sneak away and hide out.

Hate it when a conversation revolves around myself, my flaws, my mistakes and decisions i have to make. Especially when I have to listen and have no say in it.

2)Promised myself i would make an effort to stand up for myself, instead of tearing or holding grudges.

3)Gonna bloody soldier on and prove to this to myself. I cannot just mope around and feel bad.

I must get up on my 2 FUNCTIONAL FEET AND GET THE BALL ROLLING YAAAAAA

Ok. sadly got so little angbao this year. But still privileged to get it since I'm not Chinese and all.

Afraid for school to start and the overwhelming feeling of a new school :/

The smallest smile is the sweetest kind to me.

Avoiding eye contact makes things obvious.

Do you even know?

2012-01-23T15:45:00.001+08:00

Its not about me wanting to know what happened.
Its about me caring enough to want to know what happened and trying to help you.
But you make it seem otherwise.

2012-01-16T01:23:00.001+08:00

And out of all these things i've done
I think i love you better now

Strange how some things come full circle.
And the rest never seem to find any sort of conclusion.
Thats just no ending anymore.

Meet n greet

2012-01-11T02:27:00.010+08:00

This should make up for a thousand days w no photos (look below)

But first some words to say.

Im sure im not that happy but neither am i upset.

I really believe i received this for a reason.

Maybe its time for me to break, so i can be molded.

I mean, i certainly did ask for that.

I know He is tryin to tell me sumthin, has a future planned and all.

I know everyone says this just to console themselves.

But i really mean this.

Maybe that's why im not so upset and all, cause i actually feel calm, peaceful almost.

Maybe if i were in another dimension, a different person, i would be be very upset because of the hard work i put in, but i'm not.

And i'm grateful cause i did sorta average almost 'well' (ok not to some people) but for myself.

Am grateful cause I had the potential to do worse but didn't.

Grateful cause people who did well deserved it and im so damn proud of minying & jasm.

One thing I have learnt is to not base your worth on your grades and its still a very hard fact to accept but im trying.

The only thing that annoyed me durin the whole process was people messaging me to ask me what i got and all.

People i don't even talk to throughout the year askin me.. i mean wth.

Seriously, how annoying and ridiculous.

Someone said the other day, people care more about how you did than how you feel.

This is true yeah.

I'm glad that i'm going where i think I'm going.

So please aunts, stop judging me i beg of you. HAHAHA

1st day @ work with Mel today and it was very enjoyable.

Someone scolded me over the phone but all is well.

An ideal way to earn money, definitely!

Super slacked and i can use my phone all the time too!

GongCha & Tommy take that!!!

Holidays are ending soon and am grateful i spent almost everyday playin around with my friends

LIKE SERIOUSLY, THAT IS THE ONLY THING I AM GOOD AT.

WHY SIA.

I'm runnin to Your arms

The riches of Your love

Will always be enough

Nothing compares to Your embrace

Light of the World

Forever Reign

Have

This

Because

Uploadin

From

Phone

Sucks

Alot

Don't

Know

Why

Can't

Change

The

Size

Photo

Anyone

Knows

How

Crop

The

Picture

Blogger

Please

Let

Know

Thanks :)

This was today, sat at Old Town for 3 hours :)

Jasm, who got hit by a van but is alive and kicking! and Nico

Christmas party @ Huiz west coast

Sushi Tei w my boi (JJ) and gal (YAS) HAHAHA

Pravvvvy and becca

Ytd when we got our results. Minying loves the camera.

Dana! aka. changster aka. nervouvenus aka. danazol

Abel's cappuccino was so pretty

My Joyanna

My bestfriend

My bestfriends! HAHAH i hate labels but seriously,what am i without these clowns

Brother's durian head unveiled today

Jon & I @ Salted camz w the rest of the cousins :)

Bday girl and white girl (HAPPY 17TH JOI)

Sushi again @ vivo where we were charged for napkins....

Taken in a train in Brisbane :)

Vic & Val :)

Mel :) we were late for work today!!!

Natttty bear

Zy!

Rina the Minah

Gwen & Zy

Bday gal and I

Zy and I! :)

LMY & I love the camera la

West Coast Walk

Hui Er baby... camera quality in the night is really bad :(

CAMP :)

Jud and Jeev, pretty neat christmas tree at Brisbane airport :)

Shar & Selene :))

Brudders

Natasha is back from Europe!!!! :)

We rented a car :) Also, jeev acting cool

FREEZING OUTSIDE THE AIRPORT!!!! THIS IS MY FAMILY

Quietest and most ulu pastamani in Hougang!!

Christmas day! HAHA look at JAN!

ISAAC on christmas!

Nat and Ly! :)

My fav pair of sisters :)

BYEBYE LYDIA LAU LI EN!

2012-01-09T22:10:00.001+08:00

Guilty as charged

cheap talk

2012-01-03T03:07:00.004+08:00

Was gonna type things about the new year, school, results, jobs and all.

but im scraping that idea.

Instead, i will ramble and rant, cause thats what i know how to do well (sorta)

The past few days and 2 weeks have been enjoyable. laughed a lot, enjoyed a lot, reconciled ALOT.

But every night when i go to sleep, i wish that i fall asleep immediately because if i don't, every stupid lonely feeling creeps slowly into me.

I hate that.

Have been stoning more often but actually, i don't really stone. I'm just thinking really hard.

Cause i guess there is a lot to think about. But if someone asks i'll just say I'm stoning or i'm tired.

Typical.

Everyone else has someone else.

one of the things i remember most is getting to go out w minying and spending extra time w this goober.

I really feel there is some sort of reconnection in this friendship.

Someone who accepts me for who I am.

And for that I'm grateful to you Minpig.

There is a part of me that is over thinking everything. Am i blind? Foolish?

I don't know. I thought I accepted the truth a long time ago.

But still when i see these things in action.

It still hurts and i have to look away.

I don't understand why this is so,

Since what was once there isn't anymore.

I really can't bare to look or be around this.

But all these new truths keep overwhelming me.

cheap talk

hope i can keep the promise i made during thanksgiving and try to read the bible everyday

2012-01-02T23:14:00.001+08:00

Getting replaced thats what im good at

2011-12-31T00:54:00.001+08:00

Still amazed that you're such a passionate lover
Its such a drawing trait, maybe thats why i fell in the first place
You are so committed to one and only one, really am charmed by this trait.
Wowza. If only.

Hushush

2011-12-26T22:58:00.001+08:00

Sometimes i wish we didnt have the same friends. Its even harder for me to have normal friendships because of you. As in you only make friends with them cause they look good and play along w your jolly jokes? Hmm i dont know. I knw you all know each other on a deeper level. But there's just something fishy about this whole arrangement!

2011-12-25T01:03:00.004+08:00

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Glad to be going to spend the day w everyone that is important to me.

Though lots of people are away and i won't be seeing them:(

Still there's always social networking la.

Alot of photos in my phone that need to be uploaded but will do it in my own time.

So many things and places i've gone too, but damn lazy to blog about it.

Hope we don't lose sight of what's really important this Christmas,

Its something i always say but i really wanna appreciate christmas for all it truly is!

Amy attai whatsapped me the picture above from a long time ago.
Out of all the pictures i gotta upload, this is the only that steals my heart away.

Wish tomorrow (later in the afternoon & night) would be as fun!

Also, my hair hasn't changed much ah since i was young... sigh

Anyway Merry Christmas, muacks!

2011-12-19T13:46:00.001+08:00

Bet u hate me
In your mind you've probably chucked me into a box with the rest of unreliable people in your life.
This kills me. Neahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Ugh

5

2011-12-19T05:06:00.001+08:00

Just woke up from a very bad dream.
Its weird and ive never been so terrified of a dream. Wait. I mean nightmare.
At first i thought i cant possibly be wakin up cos of a dream at 5 in the morning. So i thought God was tryna ask me to get up to lock th doors and all in case i didnt lock it before. But all the doors were locked and i only found 2 lizards frozen, stopped in its track when i switched the light on. Still 5 in the morn and im freaking tired and terrified from the nightmare. Its such a stupid nightmare.

Avoxgirl

2011-12-17T02:25:00.001+08:00

There are those nights you stay up questioning everything, science & faith.
This is one of those nights and its not helping me feel good about waking up early for tmr. CHEERS!

2011-12-17T02:15:00.001+08:00

Super tired and dead beat now
Glad i fulfilled my mcnugget cravings at supper w gwen and the rest and my bro's mad driving. Prac damn early tmr and before i turn in.. As usual damn a lot of stupid thoughts to pen down.

Funny how they can laugh and joke around and not take anything seriously yet be so solemn at times. Funny, to see how they react and behave to things that seem unlike them. Especially since i read their inner thoughts and feelings, I just think that this cant be the same person who poured his heart out on a paper but yet seems so indifferent face to face. But then again who am I to say these things when i myself have been living in some sort of facade ever since i could remember.

2011-12-16T14:46:00.001+08:00

Such a strange dream that revealed a lot to me. And how i really feel about everything. I feel like i reacted to a future event in my dream and it really showed what i felt about the event in that dream. A feeling i didnt know was buried deep before the dream. Its si strange.

I feel like im rotting away now anyway.

Back

2011-12-13T21:14:00.001+08:00

I haven't seen you in ages

Sometimes I find myself wondering where you are

For me, you'll always be 18

And beautiful & dancin away with my heart

2011-12-06T02:44:00.002+08:00

Marry me Mayer....

Lol joseph gordon levitt is so well put together too dont ya think

Sometimes i hate watching movies cause they make you think so much. Even chick flicks can make me think and worry so much. I really love movies but then again I really hate the post-movie feeling. Looking forward to watching movies on the plane. Ta-ta! Till sometime next week. haha

R-a-A-I-I-n

2011-12-05T01:38:00.001+08:00

more intense version of it will rain lol

beautiful song, that my brother keeps singing non-stop

BETTY

2011-12-05T00:29:00.004+08:00

Am enjoying these three days alone and at home. Haven't had much of this and i love it.

Been damn wheezy, and everything. I feel like i can't hear myself also. Sucks la. But i love,

Sleeping in the am, waking in the pm

Old times that i've missed. I think i can just block the world out by not going out often.

Missed church again... i don't get why people immediately judge you for that. Oh well.

Plus the numerous amounts of calls i've put up with and a mini fight with nico, gawsh she's such an idiot, that i love.

I've realised that I hate people being angry at me, like an Everybody Loves Rachel..( i know this is not true)

But I always sort of want people to? Like i can't stand it if someone is angry or doesn't like me.

Maybe that's why i just forget about it or maybe its cause i can't stay angry at someone for too long

Made 1st batch of brownies and totally failed... and it was an instant mix!!

My baking career has officially ended and im never going to try it. I am a quitter yes.

Momo said that everyone screws up the first time so maybe i should try again?

I hate packing for trips, i really do i hate packing for camps, trips and all.

I always end up bringing more than i need and just shove everything in my bag.

Thinking of calling everyone over to make crepes after i get back? Good idea? dont know.\

Im re-reading this post and all my sentences have no links whatsoever. I can fail english seriously

Scot

2011-12-03T22:40:00.005+08:00

I remember I had an oral exam in primary school and the teacher asked me what i wanted to be and i said a TRAVEL JOURNALIST... the dream still lives. To travel.. not so much to journal.

I want to go to Scotland, where my parents have gone to before but did not bring me :(

Cave in Scotland :)

Via Poor Cold Boy

via michael prince

CLARITY

2011-12-03T19:06:00.004+08:00

Am enjoying this alone time while cleaning out my shit room.

Eating rambutans and lying down in bed.

I think i would enjoy all this more when i start reading Have A Little Faith.

i don't know why I'm so drawn to Mitch Albom's books. Maybe because they are super emotional and pull your heartstrings and all that crap.

Wondering where I'm going to be a year from now and what I'm going to do and whether I'll still be happy being the way that I am. I'm satisfied having not many people in my life now, but what if I'm not a year from now. There were times when I've wished i had many more people in my life, and whose to say i won't wish for it in the future.

I feel goosebumps on my hands cause as i type this, lightning keeps striking somewhere near my neighbourhood and its so strange yet amazing to see lightning bolts and all.

She asked me today for the second time why I didn't go for the conference. I'm trying to remember why as well. I seem to have made my mind up that i wouldn't go since the day they asked us, a few months ago. Why? I don't know. Or maybe i did. My friends weren't going that had a part to play definitely, so this shows i just give in to peers and pressure. But then i thought, the friend thing wouldn't even be a problem if I myself had any hunger/thirst/interest about the subject matter of the conference. (OMG JUST HEARD SUPER LOUD THUNDER). So I probably am not interested and this scares me so. Cause if I lose interest and go wayward then WHO AM I AGAIN? i don't really know

Reading Have A Little Faith would be so apt for my situation now.

Also I dreamt I had a blackberry and was sulking so badly because I had one. I dreamt that my phone was gone and that a blackberry replaced it. I think i was more embarrassed because I've always told everyone I would never get a blackberry. Woke up to find my good old alien phone!

Yep #FirstWorldWoes

Chris Martin writes "Clocks"

2011-12-02T21:49:00.002+08:00

He didn't write it there and then, he was just explaining how it came about

Huge fascination with Coldplay :)

its the most wonderful time of the year

2011-12-02T03:01:00.005+08:00

december baby

Yay am so happy its december already, am quite pleased that november has come and past!

Excited for Gold Coast, where it will be extremely hot since its summer there.

Abit Bummed actually, wanted to go somewhere with cold weather so i can wear all the winterwear in the world. But still grateful that i at least get to go somewhere with my cousins!

Followed glad to get some clothes for the one month winter trapped stay. LOL

Was so happy cause jy & I managed to help her like 15 bucks off from some knitted leggings.

Am excited for Christmas as well.

Havent been in the mood these past few years but am super stoked for this year's!!

But so many people won't be in SG :(

How? Glad gng away for a whole month somemore.

Oh, my heart is breaking. Ruth +I + Jy are all quite sad but we are too shy to say it and don't wanna boost glad's ego too. Gonna miss u mucho though.

Cant wait for jasm to come over so we can make crepes! savory and sweet crepes.

ALL THE CREPES IN THE WORLD.

Once again, i love christmas and everything related to christmas!

via www.weheartchristmas.tumblr.com

2011-11-24T16:44:00.001+08:00

I think i just ruined a perfectly good friendship. Can never look at each other the same one la

GOOD LIFE

2011-11-24T03:19:00.001+08:00

it is 2:48 am in the morning on a perfect thursday morning

been watching x factor i love melanie, chris rene, marcus canty

i LOVE CHRIS RENE forever.

I know his voice doesn't match up to the rest but how charismatic is this guy?

Someone youtuber commented that his first audition made a life long fan.

Something connects, from then everything is seen through Chris Rene coloured glasses. WOW.

My room looks like a garbage truck just vomited in it.

Spent about 6-8 hours just reading blogs, blogs and more blogs. watching videos and TR

I have no idea how i have managed to just live like this but i kind of love it.

I know its no good, thank goodness we're all going cycling on friday

Ooooh, also going to smoochiez and some other place w gladie!

My main dilemma right now is choosing to sleep or not?

( i sound like a brat, probably a million other people have bigger problems than mine right now)

Anyhoo, I want to clean my room/make cards & bathe now

But that means i can't sleep at all.. and the other place w her later

And then some concert at RP w gwen nat jan at night. ughhhh

Omg.. cfm will be super shagged right?

I even have urges to sleep right now in this garbage land. God intended us to sleep in the night.

I am going against nature hahahaha

Ok the breaking dawn wedding was beautiful, i want my wedding to be like that

I used to hate weddings a lot. I think i only started liking it this year.

But i really love weddings now

Had an infernal hate for weddings when i was younger i think it mostly came from being shy?

And all those mushy things, i couldnt handle all that when i was a small girl

Also i remembered my aunty amy (attai) showed me her wedding videos and my brother, sarah and rebecca were all in it as like the ringboy/flower gals

And obviously i wasn't born yet because my brother and I are 5 years apart.

I was so upset that I wasn't in the wedding and i cried so much.

Asking my mom whether i can go to the wedding and i was so angry i wasn't at the wedding!

Sounds very lame now but its true. Gawsh i didn't understand time and space as a child! LOL

AH SHALL WRAP IT UP HERE. OFF TO CLEAN

on holiday

2011-11-21T23:56:00.008+08:00

Ah, post O's life is good, nothing much but im not complaining

just came back from gramma's house and accompanied her to the hospital this morning

Ill never forget this day! :)

Anyway blog is so dry and wordy, so...

peeektures from zy's visit! with nat and gwen

Visted zy at her salted caramel & laughed like made with gwen and nat

(strange nat's pics cant be uploaded)

Minyings bday on the 10th

And the jar is really pretty too! HAHAHA wanted to show that and not my face

Rainbow/buttercupcake jy made!

AND TOO LAZY TO UPLOAD ALL THE OTHER 366 PICTURES from the sleepover & all the other stuff that THESE CLOWNS HAVE TAKEN IN MY PHONE! PERISH

2011-11-16T06:45:00.001+08:00

Off for my paper which is lame LC for half an hour
Ok was happy yesterday already but there was this damn empty feeling that cant be removed unless you sleep.
Not all that excited bout relishing this freedom.
But will be over the moon tmr!

2011-11-14T19:39:00.001+08:00

Im about to set fire to everything i see
I want you so bad im i'll go back on the things i believe
There i just said it, im scared you'll forget about me

Hurry release ur new album john mayer!

Qt pie

2011-11-13T19:41:00.001+08:00

Seriously only interested in spending time w people who are interested in doing the same w me. Why do you need 1001 friends?

Amazing

2011-11-13T14:09:00.001+08:00

To You
We lift up our hands
Bowing before you
For You're the great I Am
Jesus be magnified in Your holy name
We'll join with the angels to sing of your praise

<33

Was very pissed off just now. But need to maintain and control and be forgiving! Let bygones be bygones ya

Leaving never to come back again

2011-11-12T20:52:00.001+08:00

Heart damn pain now. Sounds lame. But it really is. Dont go dont go

Happy day

2011-11-12T19:48:00.001+08:00

10/11/11
What a nice day!
Except for the part where i came home got yelled at, beaten and trapped in the room.
Much development in this life after just a few days.
Ah well so far so good. Except for the overseas thing :(( and the family i live with. Luv them but sometimes their so difficult.
Minying's special day today so happy for her, totally lied to her bout the day's plans and surprised her at loi's jossticks! So glad we got to make her so happy! Was very special! Luv u princess leona of jossticks :)
Ugh cant upload the pretty pics.
Oh well!

importunate

2011-11-08T19:39:00.006+08:00

What am I doing when I have one more paper tomorrow?

I keep falling asleep all the time

I think getting nearer to the end makes me more anxious

Im going to be alone and aimless

That scares me so

I honestly already feel alone every week,

though surrounded by people

Not anyone's fault but mine

think I made a promise on Sunday 6/11/11

Promises are HARD to keep

So used to getting myself involved in others

that I have nothing to call my own

At the end of the day am i losing out?

Or is that selfish to think?

What am I going to be doing when everyone moves forward

They seem to have their lives established, know where their going

Know who their going to spend it with

All these premature r/ships..

Putting thoughts into my head that don't need to be there

Reading someone else's thoughts gave me a shock

cause I realised even if you have everything,

You can still be dissatisfied with everything

Need to find distractions after the papers to keep me from thinking

Am regretting going for prom now

I can see myself not having a good time

But then again,

THIS IS ALL STILL UNDER MY CONTROL

I make the decisions to do what I need to

no lovin for me

2011-10-29T19:56:00.009+08:00

NOT

if i was someone else, meeting my now-self, I would hate me.

Seriously, I say the stupidest things & treat someone who treats me the nicest, the worst.

I hope one day i can be a teeny weeny bit proud of myself.

But so far in my whole entire life & now... i still don't like the person i am all too much!

I always think about stupid things like this & how its very sad that people don't like themselves.

Which is the majority of people. LOL

And its so real, that people who love themselves, really are the happiest.

Maybe they can love themselves because they are really good people? I don't know, i just don't.

next week will suck me/us up and eat me/us whole :/

u got swag?

2011-10-28T21:35:00.003+08:00

SIGH feel slightly disappointed now.

really tried my best anyway, hope like the moderation and all doesn't make me lose an A :(

Few careless nonsense that could have been totally avoided.

have learnt much about myself just during these 5 days, and omg, can i just mention how long and dreary the last five days have been??

Going to see this as a learning curve & not be so bummed

Am actually a bit motivated to work harder for the rest of the papers :)))

gotta be more calm, disciplined, confident!

Glad to have many supportive people around me though, i may not show it, but it means a lot.

Oh, and people who walk out of the hall claiming they did very well and blablabla... seriously i want to punch you.

2011-10-12T23:12:00.002+08:00

NEAH NEAH NEAHH.

Feel very anxious & super conflicted now.

Please take away this feeling now

Was reading a couple of other people's blogs. Everyone seems so accomplished in their own right.

They seem to have so many experiences and things to do & sometimes I wonder why I don't do the same. I don't mind being super proactive and all but some stuff i just can't force.

Esp, spiritual stuff? Knw what i meanz?

Went to school again today & was struggling to just write one pathetic compo. ONE LEH.

Really took my time with everything today, not that I have much of it really

Room is a complete rubbish bin, everything is everywhere.

Really am not a neat person & can't be bothered anymore la.

So afraid of all the outcomes that can bring eventual disappointment or happiness in my life!

Standing on super shaky ground & don't want to screw up anymore.

Really want to try my best, squeezing in time for sleep here and there & regretting the lack of it every morning.

Computer = blessing & bane

Was reminded by jy's sweet message bout my exams & all :)

This really shows that God is in control & I have to surrender everything to Him!! Something i always find superdupersuper hard to do.

"The Lord your God who is going before you, will fight for you..."

Deut 1:30

<33

GOOOOOOOODBYE

2011-10-09T16:38:00.002+08:00

Hello graduated on friday.. gave 10 years of my life to this school. wow

Was a pretty joyous occasion, no crying & all. But everything is starting to sink in slowly :/

Cant wait for the 16th, i'll be free as a bird & i can finally go out w my churchies :))

Won't miss too many people from school cause they are all my close friends & like we'll definitely talk & all... (for now!)

lazy to put up the pictures & my phone is currently unusable, need to get a charger fast!

Dreading going for the dinner thing tonight. Maybe it'll be okay, but I don't talk to the people going... sigh

2011-10-06T00:45:00.001+08:00

seriously, who am I to spend money that i never even worked for

Transient

2011-10-01T00:46:00.016+08:00

via Jean Wells Hamburger and Coke, 2010,

(omg ate macs just now, so happy, havent eaten it in for a long time)

HAPPY OCTOBER!! woohoo( ok am not really celebrating, cause this all means we're closer to the exams than before!!) But, i've always loved october, like please so much cooler than september! HAHA

Anyway, was reading G's blog and there was a post bout strangers.

And coincidentally i logged onto facebook and one of the people on the newsfeed was a friend who I haven't talked to in a long time!

Im sure everyone has at least one person that they were close to but are total strangers with now.

Its all so strange, that only just over a year, that friend and I rarely talk.

I really can't wrap my mind around it.

Can't help but think, if the same thing would happen to my schoolfriends as well :(

I mean im graduating in 5 days & rest assured I won't remain close to everybody, but what if I become strangers with my closest friends a year from now?

Tired of acting logical....i want it bad

2011-09-27T23:36:00.003+08:00

That is a face of disappointment, NO, not a crybaby ok.

Today was such a loomy day, just a string of disappointing results & it just really sickens me that this is what I get when i try hard? I feel so inferior compared to my peers, everyone around me is getting A's & complaining? Its so frustrating i just want to get my results back in an empty room, so i don't have to look at people judging my abilites when i tell them what grade i got.

Hope tomorrow will be a better day for me. I wouldn't say I did so badly but just disappointed on the whole. Also, have come to realise today, and this only took one day, that my class is full of CLOSET MUGGERS & people are super competitive, especially the ones who i thought were quiet and meek. I couldn't be more wrong about them. Just by looking at their reactions and listening to the words coming out from their mouth when they get their papers.

COMPLETELY SURPRISED BY ALL.

Not pin-pointing anyone, just a general observation. Anyway a little healthy competition is good for the soul ya?

Well, not for me of course, i hate competition, its so scary!!!

whatsup buttercup

2011-09-25T02:04:00.005+08:00

ANXIOUS

It so late now, but whatever.

Am so anxious & already disappointed by all the stuff I know & am gonna know bout my results. Its so silly i know but still.. its the worst feeling when you actually tried.

Sighsigh, super frustrated that's all.

Was somewhat productive today & trying to be is really hard.

Failed surprise attempt at natasha's house on Friday!

Fun & laid back but i liked it.

The rest were talking about how they want her house cause it literally has two different parts, like it has two different personalities? Its quite dark inside too like black, literally.

Funny how when I was younger i always 'knew' i was gonna live in a big house and all.

But like its totally not possible anymore, i know now i will most probably end up with a simple life, but that's the way i like it anyway.

Train rolls down the east coast

2011-09-19T00:31:00.004+08:00

LISTEN! (please)

Just watched an episode of VD.

Knew the song before VD so was quite shocked when they played it & super excited.

Perfect song. Vd's music director deserves an award for superb song selection skills.

Ron Pope's voice is magic right???

Anyway, on to more serious issues (hahaha), was watching the fb post that the xxon group posted bout wrong worship. And everything about it is so true and am guilty of some things, but already knew that a long time ago also la. The thing that was funny was the audience clapping while the worshippers were doing the 'wrong' things. Its not even supposed to be funny, its an extremely serious thing & obviously is frowned upon. Yet, people were clapping & all and honestly if i were there i would be clapping. But truth is that its not funny and really not right. Ok just something to think about.
Today headed down to heeren w nic & glad to study and then headed to H & M where it was pretty crowded and there was a nice security guard :)

Really expected so much, but wasn't very fantastic, also cause I didnt really try to search.

Ended buying nothing at all. Good thing too, saved $$$.

Walked over to ion after that... (omg we are such townies. gross) to get some stuff!

And reached home safely. But was absolutely disturbed by a bunch of badly behaved and annoying guys in the train. Wanted to punch one of em' when he accidentally bumped me. They even planned to bump me?... i could hear every single word. I just turned around and stared back. Times like these it would be great to have a guy around to help.

Seriously.. not a boyfriend or anything but just a guy friend i know. Cause usually the train people don't disturb you when they see you with a guy? Cause their pretty afraid too! sigh

p.s really do not fancy my font now & grey words.

2011-09-17T22:43:00.004+08:00

omg i know, look at the lame teenage angsty picture above. Am getting more pathetic la srsly. But i really do feel empty tonight. I dont mean like I have nothing to do or nowhere to go, I really mean empty. Though my current halt of normal social activities have also made me incredibly miserable... who knew right, i always thought i wasnt the type that feeds off from social events or get energy through these things.. but apparently i am.

Anyway, feel like i've nothing to cling on to? Nothing that i really have. If everything is stripped away, i have no foundation. That when everyone leaves, i still feel an almost gap in my heart?

Everyone has that right?

But i know there's something not right if I feel that way, i just know it.

Also, it scary how I've stopped looking forward to going out. Am just so sick and tired of everything, even though not going out and all is making me feel horrible.

I think i've also like stopped really talking to my friends as well.

My mind seems to be in another planet.

Anyway point is, i don't really know why I feel empty anymore.

Anyway as minying & King Solomon always says/said..

THIS TOO SHALL PASS

The measure of love

2011-09-10T00:16:00.005+08:00

Saw this on stylemepretty.com & I think I've just decided to have blue or purple bridesmaid dresses next time! Love wedding dresses la not weddings

Anyway went for cell tonight and was felt super sian cause I felt like i've been in a different world for so long. But was struck by many things tonight. I remember, before leaving the house, I grabbed my prayer journal/journal cause zoe asked us to bring it along tonight. I usually am horrible and don't bring along many things, i can forget my bible a lot of times as well. speaks volumes huh. haha. Anyway, we were talking about prayer and all and zoe said some stuff that made a lot of sense to me. No energy to write everything she said... but there was a point when she asked us to read our journals and later share and think about what we've been praying about. I know some people said studies, other people, themselves obviously. But I realised while i was reading all the things I've written within the past year, it was a lot about me and what kind of things i struggle with inside, not so much of like problems that happen or sticky situations but I think the root of many inner struggles, I mainly prayed about that & continually asked for a better understanding for His love cause even though I know we can never truly fathom His love for us and what its all about, I still wanted to know what it was & sort of wanted to fully embrace it... I know right. I think i've caught glimpses through the past year and am happy for it. But the one thing I regret was not writing all my thanksgivings and all things He has done, even the small things, as I was reading I was trying to look for these things, but could not find any, and now I can't remember half of those things He has answered and it really upsets me cause I feel its a really important thing. Sigh, i don't know anymore. Just know that I'm reminded to give thanks often and really mean it and pray for others, not just myself! Minying also showed me a very touching article today as well. Anyway, all that i really remember from tonight is this..

And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, ¹⁸ may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, ¹⁹ and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God

. Ephesians 3: 17-19

Eater's Remorse

2011-09-07T21:27:00.007+08:00

Ok really guilty that i ate the kinder bueno but was so tempted and I have zero discipline

Even after i told myself I could only eat it after studying for geog (which i am still trying to do, but its crazy tedious) I always break this kind if simple rules... and its my own rule..

UGHHHHH i can't even control myself, everytime i study i just want to fall asleep immediately. And am so annoyed that I had to go back to school when the teacher could have just printed out the things he was saying for us and handed it to us. Just 2 hours of school can tire me out the whole day with travelling and all that. Now i have to transfer everything here and there which makes me even more anxious cause i don't react well when i have too many things to do. I already know im quite anxious cause i keep talking about studies? Which was a rarity a few months ago?

I want to enjoy my holidays and go cycling and go cycling somemore :((

What vintage are you?

2011-09-05T20:21:00.005+08:00

Okok should be studying but then i really want this fossil wallet cause it feels so nice and smooth and my wallet now is peeling and dying.

Btw, the title for this post is the slogan for the fossil brand.

I think i only noticed fossil wallets when we got Zy the yellow key per and Nat got the multicoloured one

I sound like a copycat, im not its just very functional and will last longer than my cheapo ones.

Can still feel donut factory's mac & cheese in my stomach!! Love novena w jy!

Am confused on what to study for Physical geog cause teacher is messing with me.

But think I'll choose my initial choice.

My blog is extreme boredom, i know.

Anyway cant wait to see what people have bought from h&m. Freaking excited to go like next month cause i don't like shopping with crowds, makes me nauseous!

Cant wait for chinnama to come back from the US to see what she had bought!

Think i'll be spending a lot of time @ home this week to make up for all the lost time :((

thinking of yas' mom's lontong and rendang we had last wednesday at her place. UGH HUNGRY

Taped

2011-08-18T23:42:00.003+08:00

I know I have a fickle heart and a bitterness

And a wandering eye and a heaviness in my head

-Adele, Don't you remember

2011-08-16T21:25:00.000+08:00

SUCK IT UP SUCKER HAHAHAHAHA

no innocence

2011-08-15T23:40:00.006+08:00

Realized today that Im very good at disappointing people. I know this is damn cliche, people always say this but i think this is the first time I've ever meant it for real.

Today was truly one of the worst days of my life, i will never forget today ever.

though my after-school with my kawans were great, it can't beat the 'trauma' that was this morning.

Worst part was, hands down, the train ride to school, people were staring at me like i was a mad girl. I wanted to run out of the train so badly, but obviously couldn't as was already terribly late.. Reached school at like 8 plus. Luckily, ms lum was gracious enough to understand my plight. I think my whole perspective of everything has been altered by today's events. People can just lose it and erupt suddenly and its all quite scary when i keep repeating the scenes in my mind. Not sure why I'm so affected by this, if im from the outside looking in, this would probably be a minuscule situtation. But its a pretty huge thing for me, maybe cause this was the only security I've had in life. So strange how someone can provoke someone else till they become so irrational. Times like these school is somewhat of a haven for me. I can just push aside every other feeling and box up my emotions and kick it aside in school, pretend to be happy and fun loving and all that. (which also shows im a faker in some sense)

Also, doubt this will ever blow over, feel disowned and abandoned. We are totally broken and I've realised this quite a long time ago and I've always thought things would get better as we grew older and it was for awhile but whatever...

Life just plays out that way, everything inside always get revealed in the end.

I'm at a loss for words right now

T for

2011-08-02T23:40:00.006+08:00

Getting acquainted to writing in this space!

Found out rather recently that I love taking breaks whilst studying, its really a habit as i have a short attention span and am quite a restless person. My breaks occur very frequently, I presume that's why I always sleep late. HAHAHA

Also because of my lack of discipline which is a life-long problem la.

Anyway, before i start poring over my textbook once again, i would like to say that I am going to post as much as I can on my blog while having these breaks. So that I can try to improve my writing as well, so don't think im trying to act cheem and all. i just need to sharpen my skillzzz.

Anyway, i used to hate TOMS a lot cause it looked weird and i just wasn't very fond of it. (everyone seems to be wearing a pair nowadays)

Okay but i saw these really cute crochet ones, there's a black and white one, but i prefer the black cause you can match it with anything. Im not going to get it or whatever but I think its nice and looks super comfy too!

via http://ilove-cupcakes.livejournal.com/2889.html#cutid1

Not bad right, might not be to everyone's liking, but i like it.

we can do this

2011-08-02T19:41:00.003+08:00

Huhhh am so disappointed in myself really.

Can't seem to get why im not doing well, its a crazy struggle. Don't know if I'm a slow learner or just whether things slip in and out of my mind fast or that I'm being complacent.

Keep getting the same remarks and stuff. Geog teacher says im capable of more.

Chem teacher says im smart but i screw up during major exams. (She told this to minying somemore, not me). The same thing, about how i need to get back to a my 'usual' standard.

Never been this disappointed in myself and never really cared bout marks and all but I need this now.

Its like all the negative energy keeps flowing all at one time.

Need to buck up & really do what I need to do.

Through all this crap, i think i've grown to be more motivated to actually start to do something bout all of this!!!

Exxagerate

2011-08-01T21:58:00.001+08:00

Ugh throbbing headache, why why whyyyy.

Plus i feel like my heart is stuck in my throat cause so many realisations that make me feel like a real fool, a real fool.

Used much

KAWANS

2011-08-01T20:40:00.004+08:00

wooooot wooooooot today is a happy day!!

Going to start studying soon @ 9 cause that's how i roll. HAHAHA ok.

Feel quite at peace with myself now, its a good feeling, one that i don't usually get.

Am loving drinking farmhouse milk = fav milk. BUY farmhouse milk, its good.

Having a twitter conversation with my bffs, its pretty funny and embarrassing (for me), revealing stupid things i used to say.

Am quite grateful for a group of people who i don't really see in school or anything, but we're always on each other's minds somehow and we always meet outside and when i think of them i never ever think of school, which is a good thing.

Very grateful for gwen also, funny how certain circumstances and situations can allow people to become closer. Its strange we were very distant last time, but all is different now. ZY TOO :))

Yas, lala, huiz and natlim too!! my life would be very dull without my fav people.

No matter how much i love being alone and all, i think i will always need these people, everyone needs people. We were created like that right

2011-07-31T21:38:00.002+08:00

must people be so ungrateful. Just say thanks la. People are trying to help you right. Don't be so rude please, whats up with that?

I have feelings you know, cant just insult me and scold me while im trying to help, i'll blow eventually.

Don't tell me im arrogant and rude, when i say that ya'll are ungrateful, what kind of defence is that.

Why so proud? Just keep quiet, let me to what i do, say thanks after and all will be well.

Im not a stupid girl like you think you know.

Waging war,

2011-07-31T21:04:00.004+08:00

Think im going to cry later, cause i have so much to do and i've forgotten all about it. Its crazy how i just forgot about ALL the things i have to do. Something's not right, i never just forget about things, something else is definitely overtaking in my mind. SIGHHH I JUST REALLY WANT TO BAWL NOW. I can't stand how i can't handle pressure and how i dont tell people that I can't handle things, cause of course, its embarrassing, so i wish people wouldnt' think i am very strong and emotionally capable, I really am not fer sure. Anyway, i have a short amount of time to complete all that I have to complete and then tomorrow when im sitting at my desk, i'll think this was so lame and that actually its nothing big and that I could actually complete my work and i'll feel very relieved. But now I am frantic & anxious and I just want to sleep forever

I can only fall short for so long :((

2011-07-29T18:02:00.006+08:00

wanted to post something about mean girls but will give it a miss

VHAT HAPPENED?!

Used to think we were very peaceful with each other and we'll always be like that.

It comes as a huge shock to me that there's much animosity between us, so many misunderstandings and probably a lot of anger as well. After so many tiny incidents i've realised you wont look at me the same and vice versa. Maybe we're the kind of people who dont really get angry and aren't very fussy, and its always someone else being the problematic one, so its strange for things to go so well. Even though i liked it v much. I would think i found someone who could be a companion and never judge me or whatever but it seems like you don't actually understand and i don't want people to not let me all the way in, cause honestly that's my job in a relationship/friendship/-ship. Im supposed to be the one that listens and not have problems. I'd be the one that people tell things to, not vice versa. anyway,

all good things come to an end anyway.

ok hate sappy posts like that, anyway,

This week was fast and i love fast weeks.

Its finally friday and im extremely happy. Freaking love pigging out at home and tomorrow's potluck should bring double happiness!! Cant wait!

Went to try and shop with one of my bffffs (haha),Gladys tan li ting ( bet ur damn happy now la).

Wasn't very productive though we bought small stuff, but was enjoyable nonetheless.

Always love spending time with my closest people, they really do bring out the strangest kind of joy in my life!!

p.s hope u go in soon so ppl will stop lying to me :(

2011-07-04T01:02:00.002+08:00

You are good, You are good

2011-06-20T22:41:00.000+08:00

this is so confusing :/

making electricity,

2011-05-26T22:09:00.009+08:00

Past few weeks/days have been pretty fun & worth all the $$ I have spent.

Anyway have been spending my afternoons this week with nico.

Shopped around in town, so sick of town eh! & We went to ikea today and it was delightful.

Wont be doing much this weekend but looking forward to tom's palette with wanteng on monday!!

They have like a salted egg flavour, quite interested to try it. I know its been there for a long time and all but im very new to it eh.

looks good no?

& also have been chugging down this the past few weeks. (look below)

It contains quinine.

& jasm + I love this.

I AM A BIG FAN OF BUNDABERG

YOU MUST TRY IT.

& I just found this and havent tried yet but will soon once father stocks up!!

I think schweppes packaging is the best. its so nice to just look at their cans right?

1 19

2011-05-20T01:16:00.000+08:00

Rant ~

Patience is being tested!! I will just shut up and not make any comment though this has been bothering me for quite some time. I dont know how i can just shut up and not say anything or leave, i am quite the silly girl. Oh well, patience is a virtue. (but virtue can hurt you) HAHA ok.

Anyway on the brightside, exams are over. But nothing really changes. Just that I've used the 5 day holiday to my best advantage. Sleeping + shopping!! + familia + flens :)

Pondering whether to skip school tomorrow cause i really go to school and do nothing, like today.

Anyway can't wait to get a job after O's. Sick of asking my parents for money when i do not contribute to the household or well being of this family at all. Its like sucking money from them for my own greedy needs. Obviously i will still need their money but would love the chance to reduce my dependence on them for a while!! Also, i could do that by going out much less and not taking cabs when im tired.

in other exciting news! I am very afraid of my results. I think i did pretty badly judging by my teacher's looks. Freaking demoralising :/ Only have myself to blame la really. Need to make a study plan and practice math. IT WILL AL BE WORTH IT IN THE END (i hope)

pressure

2011-04-30T21:05:00.002+08:00

nothing much has occured the past few days, except of course SWITCHFOOT & all the studying which is very very very extremely difficult.

Would love to put some pictures but am too lazy and everything's on G's blog!!

Its so challenging to memorise every little thing and not get bored.

Apart from that i think the royal wedding was beautiful, i guess its every girl's dream to want to get married like that. and you could see that they were really in love. hope they last!!

loved the dress, its really simple yet intricate cause of the lacing and all.

Anyway, cannot wait for this dark period to be over. Did i mention that i feel so far away from everyone and its just so strange that i can survive without them, cause there was this time that these people were the most important people in my life and now i couldn't care less anymore.

everyone is just really cold toward one another.

LIFE.

oh i am the second (wo)man

2011-04-10T12:58:00.003+08:00

Am happily eating this bad boy right now. One of my favorite ice-creams ever! Sadly the only nice one is that almond one. The classic, white and gold? Kinda sucks.

Anyway, lazy old me didn't go to church because i'm super shagged and i slept till like 12 today.

Also, missed lydia's east coast thing.

(she surprised us on friday in cell, when she was supposed to be in aussieland still).

Anyway doubt i could have gone, cause i have got a lot of work to do. Will make it up to her next sat! There's really a lot to do this very nice sunday afternoon, omg i really wanna go out now. Its such a sunny sunday afternoon. Hope their having fun cycling, ok am freaking jealous right now:(

Gonna get my game on and do some work or something!

2011-04-07T22:43:00.002+08:00

I don't understand why the feeling's gone.

I always try to say i will and i will but nothing ever changes no matter what.

I always try to talk myself out of it and that i'm secure.

But I know of I don't do my part, ill never be.

I always say that i believe, but do I really?

I used to think all this was simple, i go days without doing anything.

I expect so much though i don't do much, and always set myself up for disappointment.

But its only me to blame, cause im never bold enough to completely surrender myself.

Maybe its timing? Maybe i don't really know.

so the wind blows,

2011-04-05T23:00:00.005+08:00

gonna sacrifice my sleep tonight! Like every other night, but its really my fault.

Really not that interested in learning about plants right now. Though my SPA is on thursday.

Anyway I have a dilemma. My room is very awkwardly shaped, like the walls aren't like very visible or no one pays attention to it. So when i wanna stick up pho

tos, its gonna be more or less invisible in my eyes. Anyway my polaroids are pasted at the wall where my table is, and some normal photos are pasted on m

y other wall.

So what should I do? combine all of em' together.

Also is it time to invest in a polaroid so i will stop using becca's and like i can take em' as and when I want. everyone wants polaroids cause its like an 'artistic choice'.

But you know when you were young and you saw those fil

ms, and you see a journalist snapping a picure and the photo comes out from the bottom. And you go "OOOOOOOOH, that's cool" and dreamt of using such a camera. Well yeah that's what we all really love right? And of course how you dont have to print the pictures!!

Would love to renovate my room, shift the bed, get a smaller table, change up everything, make more space. Cause at the moment my room seems so weird

and awkward, not really like a room.

Pretty room ahead, but nothing that i really like!! Indecisive teenagegirllll

sewing machine!

so you love me enough? to let me go?

2011-04-03T23:28:00.008+08:00

SS exam is not a day after the concert!! Its on the third of May now!! :) So i have time to study + enjoy the SF performing beautiful music in peace!Had a great time last weekend, celebrating jasm's brithday! & also just two days ago at the farewell!! was pretty kewl, massive spam of polaroids and pictures.

Spent some time with joy + glad today! Glad keeps saying what an 'all-rounded' day it is.

Cause you get to see your church friends + other friends + shop + study!

Really don't know what to do without all of them!oh lookie the pictures are cmgggz.

HAHAHAHA look at rina tryna act all cute
Ehehe this one really brings out their true personalities!!
I'm so dark impossible to see me except for teeth + eyes wah laooo!
<33

gonna miss em' so much!

fav part of my fridays = ah boy & ah girl <33

Realised rina spent much of her time taking pictures of herself lorh! EHEHEHEHE.

2011-03-30T21:31:00.001+08:00

feel like you used me.

Usually i know it when people use me.

I didn't realise it this time.

I'm a fool.

like wildfire, two hearts dancing on a hardwire

2011-03-23T22:25:00.003+08:00

I suddenly feel like im becoming angry all the time and I am getting annoyed and more sensitive nowadays. not to mention more straightforward, cause i am so tired of being pleasant.

Really feel like i'm digging my own grave here, using all my own strength, which isnt alot too :(

I want to focus and do things right, cause i always don't do things right. Am frustrated because no matter how hard i try, i fail terribly and to see someone else succeed just makes me feel like i'm being left behind. the feeling sucks as well.

Hope im not left behind throughout my whole life. That's the real fear among others of course!

Already am so left behind in so many things, one that of course is much more prominent than the others, which also makes me feel like a complete loser much!!

Anyway on a HAPPIER note many things i'm looking forward to!

Yas and i were talking about how its gonna be so fun looking for a job after o's, preferably at SSC cause its so near for the both of us and omg, love it there!!
Also can't wait for this weekend, cause we're celebrating jasm's birthday :) and its always fun to celebrate a friends's birthday!
Planning to go to astons on saturday, but a bit hard cause sunday + friday will be burnt and i need to concentrate!
Biennale! Can't wait to go again, was looking forward to it last year, but it didn't happen.
Anticipating SWITCHFOOT though am a bit afraid because its a day before SS + EL exams, which was a major oversight on glad's and my part!! BUT HECK WE PAID GOOD $$!!

Today God really blessed me and answered my prayers, its quite shocking and sweet and I really appreciated it!! Its quite complicated and tough to explain, but it goes to show that God really loves me and all of us, even though i fail Him everytime! Its always the small things that make me smile the most you know!

The other day as i was rushing through my articles and was so tired, i glanced at my msn contact thing, and a friend wrote his pm as proverbs 3: 5-6 which made me look it up, and it read,

⁵ Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
⁶ in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight

this like really made me remember that i shouldn't be leaning on my own strength, and that I should be seeking help and strength from Him :) really made me feel better and encouraged me a lot! Maybe i haven't been on the 'right' or straight part because i ave been leaning on my own strength? like DUH of course i have!! this is like a real truth ehhh.

I know i may not be as eloquent or as mature spiritually, when talking or speaking about God and all compared to my friends but i still believe and know that He lives! feel reassured and should probably go and study now.

P.s anybody reading this please pray for my chem SPA (o level practical) and my geog test on friday!!

muggergurl95

2011-03-09T23:33:00.002+08:00

Thinking of my failed attempts to make the perfect or right kind of blueberry smoothie.

So lazy to keep trying already, need to focus on much more important stuff.

every tuesday at novena pays off, because of the company and the environment :)

Clearing the room now and haven't done any work yet. Which is quite depressing. I need to feel more awake and work x times harder. I just made coffee again, i hope my liver doesn't dry up. disgusting sia.

All the future talk makes me feel queasy :(

Cannot wait for the holidays, though 3/4s of it will be in school or i'll be doing something school related. sian la. but that's the price i have to pay for? I don't actually know for what but its probably something good.

Feel like all my plans have been ruined because we need to return to school for training. Shouldn't CCA be suspended for us by now? :( Also, feel the need to be more focused, i feel like that's the word everybody is using for me. "be more focused". I find it really hard to be focused, i was never focused to begin with and my mind is all over the place at any one time. I can't seem to just concentrate on one thing without thinking of a million other things and being totally interested in whatever i'm doing at the same time. I need to sleep + eat.

All i used to do in my life was to watch tv, listen to music, eat, sleep, go to my grandma's house, talk on the phone and rollerblade. That was my life. Now, its such a bore and not nteresting and i'm doing everything i'm supposed to do the opposite way. Got quite a lecture, and realised how bad i was really doing, which is pretty bad, U KNOW WHY BECAUSE I CANNOT FOCUS. :@

On the brightside, i get new tiles in my room from saturday onwards. i get to sleep in for the first 2 days of the hols and i'm going to ikea soon :) to buy the box so that raj won't call me a messy person!

i really wanna go cycling/rollerblading and looking forward to the smoothie party. LOL. Discovered that softball is a really fun sport and that volleyball is such a skillful game!

I really wanna go to cambodia.

Dinner on friday, only thing im looking forward to this week!

I got no plans, I ain't going nowhere

2011-02-24T22:15:00.005+08:00

Ok am a major disappointment to myself and everyone around me.

Hohoho talked to me yesterday about amath, ok la i talked to her but whatever same thing.

Another singledigit what is my life coming too?To add to that got like a 5/25 for something i really studied for. I was never one to care about marks and all that, in fact I hated it when people talked and obsessed over studies but now? Hmm, also Feeling nauseous like crazykukubananas.

While i was writing this, I left for awhile and am back. While I left i was doing my devotion and poured out. Its difficult the position we're all in, i always feel like quitting or like I'm going mad. Recently, getting sick has been a result of anxiety and stress. But i now know that I'm going through such things because I'm being molded into something better, I just need a stronger back & faith through these days. I know there's something more for me than just all these school and responsibilities, I just got to be patient, improve myself, try harder, these all can be said easily but not done as easily. So yeah only time will see where we're going.

Disappointment is unpleasant every time i feel it. But it always makes me want to prove to myself that I can do something. You know how everyone wants to be a supersupergirl.

Like able to do everything, be good at everything, right now, i just want to prove to myself that I can follow through on the things I say and do something for myself :)

The world is your oyster!!!

p.s drama girls, do not fret for your monologue is done and over with. So yeah one down two more to go? :) Cheer up all!!

Sober

2011-02-22T23:46:00.003+08:00

e-learning was a major fail.

But am grateful for the holiday. Slept a lot today. I basically just slept the whole day. Am going to sleep again in five minutes. I don't get how it's possible for me to sleep and laze around the whole day and yet i can still feel so tired. Been having a constant headache nowadays and my ears still hurt but I hope this will all go away once school starts again tomorrow.

Gonna keep away from going online for the next few weeks cause I realise I haven't really been giving my all to everything I need to do. And its so silly for me to complain that I am tired and 'stressed' when i actually have been procrastinating and not been doing anything extra apart from my given work. Also have come to realise that the people who do well and have like shown much improvement have been the ones who have been really showing effort, staying away from being online and all. So I'm gonna come home early everyday and not wait for people after school cause I want the company, I'm quite fine alone actually! and stop cheating myself by saying i am this and that when I'm actually doing nothing.

Excited for a few things coming up, one of them of course is Sarah's party. Gonna make some cold dishes that my mom can't make so she's handing the job over to me! Its those little kebab thingums. Also looking forward to all those in their mermaid/pirate costumes. I have never been to a themed party before, so should be quite fun leh.

On another note feel kinda crappy cause i have no special talents or qualities! not just saying that cause people can tell me I do have them. I really mean it, I know people with many different qualities and interests and they all seem to have some sort of future for themselves. Don't want to be two steps back do I?

2011-02-18T18:06:00.002+08:00

Thinking about how i can use my time wisely and not waste it and how there are many many books that i want to read but i like don't have the money to buy them.

hahaha yeah i wanna buy and keep them not just borrow from the library, just finished reading perks of being a wallflower this afternoon. Pretty interesting and explicit at some points but its real.

Just made a list of all the other books i want to read. Hopefully it can help me improve my english & writing?

Aye, anyway not going for cell today again.. cause im cool like that.

and like haven't been going regularly cause im sick or cause of cca or something just pops up! :(

Going to attempt to study while I stay at home so that on sunday I can go out with my girls,

sucks that like its so hard to make time, we used to be able to meet after school, but we can't do that anymore, its just fridays, sundays and maybe saturdays? very rarely though.

Also haven't seen or heard much from minying, joycleyn, gladys, jasm, nic, rina and all.

Mainly cause of competitions and its season period. so the floorballers are all busy. Then there's SYF and all that jazz. But yeah, quite sad.

Ok partially my fault too cause i am so caught up with my own life and not making time for my favorite people in the world! :(

I can be selfish at times:/

I always successfully ruin and detach myself from things in order to not get hurt or rejected and what not. But its so stupid.

WHY LIDDAT?

2011-01-18T21:43:00.002+08:00

Ok, havent blogged in forever.

But I shall now, because I am absolutely bored and I have so many things to do.

I think this is a habit of mine, always running away and slacking when I know there are plenty of other things to do. Always trying to clear my head and run away from everything when I know that there is a lot on my plate.

Was doing work with Gladys and Nicole today and I realised something.

Nicole pointed quite a few things out today, which insulted/complimented me.

I can say I know a couple of things about like self-esteem. Seeing i have not much of it.

(I hope only Nicole reads this, this is so embarrassing)

Anyway, that's besides the point, the point is that as we were talking, we could see what people do just to change themselves to fit in.

And the truth is all girls want to feel beautiful, but we just don't know we already are.

So we go about not acting our age, dressing certain ways, feeling UN-beautiful when we are with friends who look better?

And that's just so sad. I don't know why, but its so sad to hear someone tell you that they feel ugly around their friends.

Isn't it hard to be around people who make you feel like you are worthless?

I know the feeling too, person whose name i can't mention.

So to this person, I know how you are and how you act, how you feel and everything.

You just gotta see this self worth comes from somewhere else.

We just gotta see this. Its so hard to say these things and admit that you/we are affected by the way we are or the way people see us. Cause no one wants to feel vulnerable and whatever.

But i can say i feel the same way as you many times. Everyday in fact, its not easy to not think about it but its the truth.

Not easy to not wonder what people think of you.

Not easy to look at a mirror and look away immediately, thinking of all these flaws.

But we are humans.

Just hope one day we will all see that outer beauty compliments inner beauty, not the other way round.

2010-11-22T07:41:00.001+08:00

There are always gonna be people who have it worse than us, so we should be content with what we already have:)

2010-11-18T20:06:00.000+08:00

Batam was great! :)

I miss it more everyday.

Why do I feel like the world's too busy for me.

2010-11-12T21:26:00.002+08:00

School is officially over but i still gotta pop by a few times but I'm fine with that.

So glad that there aren't many trainings this year(:

Batam tomorrow, was sort of dreading it a bit, even though I kept saying I couldn't wait for it, i was just trying to make myself believe it by repeating it. But now i'm really stoked.

Since my holidays have been cut short I've decided to make full use of it especially since its gonna be the last holiday until about a year or so:/

Since I'm such a lazy, aimless sloth, I've decided to make a list of things to do.

Do homework:/
Clean room
Learn how to cook ( I already know how to, but learning never stops)
Cycling ( Just learnt like about a month ago)
Scrapbooking w Gladys
Stop eating chocolates
Stop watching dumb tv shows
Stop eating instant noodles
Play ping pong
coolies rush (like omg yah)
ok not gonna say the rest

Resolution: Do not do any half past six jobs! Cause its stated in the bible also!

'Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men'
Col 3:23

There's so much i wish i could say in these tiny space but I can't:/

Aye, bb SG!

2010-11-10T00:24:00.004+08:00

If i were a mom i would get my kids these!!

And there's this other reallt cute one which i can't upload here(blogger...)

But its black and has little crayons drawn on it!

2010-11-09T18:48:00.002+08:00

Everyday when i wake up i regret sleeping late the previous night.

But still everyday i continue to sleep late:/

Found,

2010-11-02T23:39:00.002+08:00

Sometimes I doubt You.

But i know for a fact that you're so real. so very real.

And i can never stop thinking about You ever.

All the things you've done, no matter how small they are or how big.

They all mean something.

I want to find myself in You.

I want to be a devotee.

2010-10-27T23:24:00.004+08:00

wow, lots of pictures, from the after party!

2010-10-24T22:48:00.002+08:00

Was just thinking about all of those who will be taking their o levels tomorrow. Isn't it like way scary to take o levels. Just thinking about it makes me scared.

The amount of pressure put on students nowadays is a bit extreme. Everyone wants to do well, everyone wants to climb above others(quite sad actually right?)

Anyway, everytime someone mentions o levels or anything like that, my heart jumps a little.

Whenever someone mentions it, i feel sad for the people actually taking the exam and then I realise in exactly a year I'll be taking it too, and I can imagine the days I'll be confined at home and so on.

I am so not ready and dread even going for headstart cause it all means more anxiety. And omg, when did I become like this, studies were never a 'big' part of my life ever. I used to be so relaxed:(

But there's no point in brooding over this so WHATEVER.

also, best of luck to all those taking their papers, esp the churchies and Cassandra who is asking to borrow my calculator for her maths which is on Tuesday!

Headstart officially starts on Tuesday, trying to be positive about it though.

Plus there's camp on Friday, JJ and I are doing games and fun night!:) But crazy amount of planning and things to get down. Plus Batam briefings and all. I hope I get thorugh this week in tact.

Covers,

2010-10-21T21:19:00.003+08:00

And miles from where you are
I lay down on the cold ground and I
I pray that something picks me up
And sets me down in your warm arms

:)

2010-10-19T23:43:00.003+08:00

You hold me now,

Thanks for a pleasant day today.

Just the kind of peace I needed and thanks for the people you put in my life.

2010-10-17T21:17:00.001+08:00

Gah, photos of wedesdaythursdayfriday can't be read.

Love the cell photos alot tho.

2010-10-17T20:02:00.003+08:00

I'm happy to have a few.

I don't mind being alone at one place, but still knowing that i have a few at some other place.

I'm not bothered anymore, I'm not someone that can be used or thrown around as and when.

Don't push me around and treat me like Im a second class citizen.

slowly losing faith in all.

2010-10-16T14:44:00.000+08:00

wonderfulwednesdaythursdayfriday,

2010-10-12T20:03:00.002+08:00

Been meaning to say a few things, but once again, I forgot everything.

I cannot wait for tomorrow, plus going out with the girls after that.

I love the holiday memories.

I remember once gladys said

"When you're having fun with the people, you wouldn't be taking pictures the whole time"

Which is pretty true, to a certain extent.

Gotta a whole list of things to do which I probably won't end up doing, but whatever just making a list makes me feel accomplished already

Meow,

cats out.

2010-10-12T14:39:00.003+08:00

I know exactly what to do from tomorrow onwards.

BOY, AM I EXCITED!

I'm no Superman.

2010-10-10T20:23:00.007+08:00

[8:20:05 PM] Kia Nicole: ey princess

[8:20:05 PM] Kia Nicole:HAHAHA

[8:20:21 PM] Rachelprasanna: hello beautiful

[8:21:06 PM] Rachelprasanna: HAHAHA

Was greeted very nicely tonight.

I like you Nic.

Was talking about the use of the word love.

Sometimes its overused, to the point that it seems the word 'like' feels stronger/sweeter.

Hmmm. Anyway, i like you cause even though I cancel alot you have yet to hate me.

And I really like to talk to you cause you 'get it'.

Even though we're quite chaotic together.

You're honest, brutally honest i must add, but the truth hurts.

But you say the sweetest things ever(you think you're very charming eh)

I wish you were going to Batam.

(we have no decent pictures, even after all these years)

Anyway, had awesome dinner tonight.

Mother invited the rest as well. I love her western dinners. They were talking about 21st birthday parties.

Thinking about it, I have never really had a birthday party that i have planned/wanted.

I like the idea of a party, but usually it always seems that it might come out wrong.

Anyway, i think i should start to think about this, i feel like I may have no memories to keep when I get older.

2010-10-08T17:12:00.001+08:00

i love criminal minds, even though it makes me scared alot. So fascinating!

2010-10-02T08:13:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I’m lazy        I get bored       I get scared        I feel ignored     I feel happy, I get silly          I choke on my own words

Indescribable.

2010-09-21T20:43:00.003+08:00

STORY TIME

Malachi 3:3 says: 'He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver.'

This verse puzzled some women in a Bible study and they wondered what this statement meant about the character andnature of God. One of the women offered to find out the process of refining silver and get back to the group at their next Bible Study.

That week, the woman called a silversmith and made an appointment to watch him at work. She didn't mention anything about the reason for her interest beyond her curiosity about the process of refining Silver.

As she watched the silversmith, he held a piece of silver over the fire and let it heat up. He explained that in refining silver, one needed to hold the silver in the middle of the fire where the flames were hottest as to burn away all the impurities.

The woman thought about God holding us in such a hot spot; then she thought again about the verse that says: ' He sits as a refiner and purifier of silver.'

She asked the silversmith if it was true that he had to sit there in front of the fire the whole time.

The man answered that yes, he not only had to sit there holding the silver, but he had to keep his eyes on the silver the entire time it was in the fire. If the silver was left a moment too long in the flames, it would be destroyed.

The woman was silent for a moment. Then she asked the silversmith, 'How do you know when the silver is fully refined?'

He smiled at her and answered, ' Oh, that's easy -- when I see my image in it.'

If today you are feeling the heat of the fire , remember that God has his eye on you and will keep watching you until He sees His image in you.

2010-09-20T21:46:00.003+08:00

Okay was about to post like alot of pictures but its getting late so I'll just post a sane picture of szelin & I. Like we're never this straight faced ever.

So friday was dramamama night, I had a crazy craving for subway and yay we did go to subway to eat. Drama night was good & very entertaining.

Anyway, weekend was crappy.

Oh and my Sept hols were awesome even though I needed to go to school for like most of the days, the trip to msia really made me happy.

Its really rare i see all my relatives from dad's side, so seeing them warmed my heart and I wish i could stay there where we could all live together!

Its monday now, friends always make everything better when I'm in school.

Tough week and days ahead and dislike thinking about it.

Too many thoughts in this head, i can't catch up.

Dancing in September

2010-09-06T21:56:00.002+08:00

I probably should be studying or same lame thing like that now, but I won't.

And i will not make my life all about studying.

I'm such a mess, even though I may not seem like it, my mind's running wild.

If I didn't know better, i would be a really rebellious, wild, crazy girl.

Thank God I know better.

liv-er-pool

2010-08-14T22:36:00.004+08:00

Omgeeee so excited for them to play!

Can't wait any longer.

Sadly its a Sunday and i'm gonna be conked out the next day.

Hope they play well against Arsenal!

I'm a liverpudian.

mutther.

2010-08-10T00:34:00.004+08:00

Mama.

Why won't you tell me your stories.

Today I realised my mother is quite interesting with really many stories.

The downside, she shares them with everyone else but me:(

She's always sharing them with other people, her views, stories about what she knows about the world yadayada.

But it seems like she's not very interested to share these things with me.

I mean of course she shares stuff with me, but not like the kind that she tells others.

I wish I could listen to all her conversations so I can find out more. But I can't.

Maybe she doesn't wanna share for a reason. Maybe she just needs a break from me and all.

2010-08-06T23:20:00.003+08:00

Hate it when people say they miss you when they see you.

But don't do anything to spend time with you and instead just continue with their hectic social life.

Hate it when people you barely talk to anymore say they love you,

but they don't know anything about you anymore.

Hate being forgotten.

2010-07-20T19:46:00.004+08:00

I may not understand why Heaven made me as I am.

Colour,

2010-07-06T21:20:00.010+08:00

Piglet: How do you spell love

Winnie: You can't spell it, you must feel it

I need to buy crayons of my own.
Yas keeps lending me hers, should get my own.
Anyway, spent time with an old bud' today, none other than superkewl Rina.
She bought me a dora bottle how sweet!
Wow, like are we growing up or what?
& Sze lin's back, when I saw her I was like HAAAAAAAAAAAI!
Nicckemz really liked the present! Yes:)
Should do more painting of cards eh.
Gives me the child like feeling & all.
So many things I wanna do!
I wanna roller blade. play badminton, paint.
Learn how to scrapbook properly, bake!, jamming.
Be more organized, play soccer like last time with my primary six mates.( HAHAH joke)
Improve handwriting, learn to play bit of piano.
Have a real picnic with real people.
OMG, grow taller. Go on a road trip?, or some kind of trip with my friends.
Read more books, go to campus crusade!
Have a real journal.
MAKE A TREEHOUSE!